Be My Galentine

I’ve always experienced unexpected emotions around Valentine’s Day because I don’t know, its a funny one isn’t it?!

In the build up to this week, I’ve seen so many people express their feelings about the day, and sometimes I think it’s like Christmas weaved with sprinklings of insecurity and not being enough, as well as dealing with questions around what you’re doing with your partner, and why you choose not to celebrate.

A few days ago, The Telegraph posted an article titled ‘Don’t forget Wednesday is Valentines Day – the worst day of the year’ and it’s interesting, because as much as our consumerist society would love to portray that it’s the most lavish, romantic day (and it is for some, I’m not knocking that), the reality is that the overzealousness of marketing campaigns and commercialisation causes the majority of people to feel triggered.

I’m not focusing on single people here, having read multiple articles and through conversations with my married, coupled up AND single/divorced friends, whatever your status, the day can put a huge amount of pressure on us all. I say can because, I know that some of my friends are in great relationships and relish the time to be alone with their partner, however, oddly enough, I’ve had more conversations with those that have a partner around their disappointment on the day, than those who aren’t in a relationship and seem happy to celebrate with their friends.

If I think back to my own experiences of being in a relationship (and can I please re-iterate that one day, I’d love that again, as much as I’m very pro-unattachment right now), Valentine’s Day filled me with anxiety because I didn’t trust that my partner at the time would do anything for me, and so in order to mitigate the chance of getting hurt, I’d tell him that I didn’t want to celebrate. The day shone a light on the cracks in our relationship, and seeing everyone else’s photo’s and declarations of love made me feel lonely and unloved.

I know that many of us feel or have felt the same, so it’s no wonder that women are choosing to place more value on their platonic friendships over their romantic relationships. Most women are learning that they actually need more from their partners in terms of connection and emotional availability, and it’s not enough just to sit at a table, eating a Valentine’s dinner, engaging in small talk which doesn’t allow the expression of emotion. And maybe that’s why I’ve never been lucky in love with a man because I expect so much more and I don’t buy the ‘oh yeah but men just aren’t big talkers’, ‘they’re not really romantic’ chat that I get from all my heterosexual, coupled up friends?

I need more and because of that, I place a huge amount of importance on the women in my life, because I would be nowhere without them, and although my friendships have changed a lot over the years, especially with regards to feeling as though I’ve grown apart from long-term friends with partners and families, purely because our lives and values have become so different, I have found incredible, supportive, fulfilling relationships in so many other women around me.

Your true female friendships create a space for you to feel seen and heard. They encourage you to express yourself and chase your dreams. They tell you that you are always enough and that your efforts are always appreciated. They remind you that we are all flawed, and we all have scars but that it’s totally OK. They never tell you you’re too much or that you are too “out there”. They are accepting and they allow you to be completely you – and for this, I am incredibly grateful.

I love that Galentine’s Day has become an appreciation of all of that. Of knowing that you are surrounded by a community (big or small) of women around you that have your back, and makes it completely ok that you’re single, because in that sense, you’re not! I feel more connected now, than I’ve ever felt in my previous relationships and so I will continue to invest further in these incredible women.

Let’s raise a glass to the Gals on Galentine’s Day.

Rizzo x